When I first moved to Bozeman in the fall of 2009, I hiked up a mountain to a giant letter “M” wearing black spandex pants and jarringly pink running shorts. I can’t even claim that it seemed like a good idea at the time. It went like this.
I had recently moved to Montana, and got the kind of hiking itch that would not be scratched roaming the city streets of Bozeman. So I roamed the city streets to the bookstore and made a purchase of local hiking information, studied up, and decided upon a nearby hike. My brother, who thinks he is funny decided to capitalize on my newness to the area by advising me that I should take precautions due to the start of hunting season. He made a truly impressive show of concern over my trail choice using words along the lines of “remote” and “hunter’s paradise”, thereby convincing me that it would be a good plan to wear something brightly colored, preferably orange, so as not to be mistaken for an ungulate of the tasty variety.

The search of my closet yielded rather disheartening results. I was faced with the prospect of wearing a red bandana, pirate style, or the only piece of neon color clothing that I own, Barbie pink short running shorts. Of course, these shorts would have to be worn over spandex pants, as it is very cold here. I donned the shorts, drove a few miles, and arrived at a trailhead so crowded that I almost couldn’t find parking. It became immediately apparent not only that this was a trail where I would have zero chance of encountering a hunter, but also that the pink shorts experience was not to be a private one.

I began my ascent, opting for the especially steep part of the trail to reach the M. En route, I was passed with ease by someone at least twice my age. This was a rather humbling moment which I have since experienced on a regular basis in this town filled with ultra-athletes. Ultimately, I arrived at the M, feeling winded but triumphant, and was quickly passed at the viewing platform by a couple with extremely young children. Small people who probably find Sesame Street to be an excellent form of entertainment bounded past my hunched and ashen form as though skipping through a field of daisies to an ice cream truck manned by the Cookie Monster. When a spot eventually opened up on the bench conveniently placed for viewing the remarkable views, I snatched it up, only to discover that I had inadvertently seated myself next to Talks to Her Dog Like it is a Person Lady. As she offered her pet a running commentary on the growing crowd at the viewing platform, the (admittedly adorable) dog strained the leash in the direction of a precipice.

But who am I to judge? I am, after all, Wearing Horrible Neon Pink Running Shorts Because I Have No Working Knowledge of the Area Person. After a period of time, the dog and his mistress departed, and I must admit, I too was ready to make myself scarce. The super children were encouraging their mother to regale them with a rendition of the banana song, so it was time for this girl to split. Unfortunately, my untimely departure put me just close enough behind Talks to Her Dog Like it is a Person Lady to be party to her continuing one-sided, yet touching conversation.

All in all, I found this to be a lovely way to spend the day. The scenery was breathtaking, the people watching was superb, and the shorts were breathable. I’ll have to remember to thank my brother.

Since my move to Montana and subsequent embarrassment upon the M, I have found many other trails which I enjoy immensely. If you would describe the qualifications of your preferred hike along the lines of, “I would like to be outdoors, get some exercise, and see all of the beauty that Montana has to offer; however, I would also like to keep in mind that the Cateye Cafe closes at 2PM…,” then you have come to the right place for hiking recommendations.  Below, please find a quick synopsis of three such hikes.

The Drinking Horse trail, which is actually in close proximity to the M, is an ideal before or after work option offering gorgeous views of the area. It does involve a steady uphill climb, but in my opinion, is less demanding than M trail. It is a loop, and as you might imagine, I would recommend ascending by the “easy” route and descending by the difficult way. Also, I have found this path to be less populated by the frenzied trail runners that frequent the M.

In summary, this trail has been gentle on my fragile ego.
On the far south side of town, you will find the immensely popular Hyalite Canyon, which in addition to being stunningly beautiful, boasts loads of different trails of varying difficulty. One of my favorites for a show-off-Bozeman-to-visiting-family/friends hike is Palisade Falls. After meandering up a short paved trail through a stately forest you will find yourself gawking at a towering waterfall that is somehow both powerful and delicate.

Lastly, on the north side of town, I would like to recommend Sypes Canyon. This trail is brilliantly executed to mask elevation gain with graceful long switchbacks. After a couple of miles the trail pops out on an exposed ridgeline and yet again your jaw will drop as you take in the sweeping views of the incredible Gallatin Valley.

Happy hiking!

After visiting the west at the age of thirteen, Jamie Balke has been coming up with progressively more elaborate schemes to never leave.