Okay. This one is about food. You already know that my wife and I moved from Wolf Point, Montana to Bozeman to “semi-retire” in 2013, so I won’t repeat that this time. Relax a little. You could actually learn something if you continue reading, but don’t count on it.

Anyway, when we moved here from Wolf Point “old town” to Bozeman “new town” in 2013 to semi-retire, etc., we noticed some things in life that were just, well, different. Just to let you know, we are lifelong Montana people. Unlike many of the retirees we have met living here in the new town, we are not from California. Wait, there was one couple from North Dakota; Baaken money I believe. Sorry. Montana roots all the way!

Speaking of roots, in eastern Montana we eat a lot of tuberous vegetables with our burger, steak or chicken. Mostly potatoes (i.e. spuds), baked, mashed or (don’t tell) fried. Here, in new town, when ordering potatoes recently at a local establishment I had the following choices: first choice - new, local, organic, fresh soil-grown, tender skin on, red (no dye or MSG!), pommes de terre with a slight vegan-based glase´; or second choice - individually pureed small solanum tuberosum Yukon Gold (rough mashed) infused with a chef-chopped hint of rosemary and garlic frape´; or third choice - selected thin-sliced cross-cut pomme frites, all natural, of course, dusted with gluten-free rice flour, baked, not fried, thank you.

I had a plain baked potato. The chef sent his aid de Camp out to see who ordered it. I hid in the men’s room for a while.

Now, let’s discuss the main course. In old town, that would be a steak, medium rare, a hamburger, chicken or fish (walleye please). No fuss, no embellishment. Touch of salt and pepper, hot grill, bam!

In new town, on a venture to a “gastroestablishment place of dining,” choices for the “entre via chef’s creation” included:
• Chef hand-sliced medallions of pan-seared prime beef, dry aged with a gently massaged, all natural, local, organic vegan, (say what?) only-a-few-know-the-recipe-secret rub.
• Chef hand-patty-formed garlic infused, tenderly-ground (by hand) Montana grass-fed Angus beef, seared to order, “no guarantee for well done.”
• American Humane Association certified hand carved (what else) lemon peppered with added rosemary, mushrooms (clean soil) carefully hand placed under the skin, wood-fired oven, lovingly raised, hormone-free spring pollet; or all that same stuff or lack thereof, with locally caught Madison River trout. Trout caught individually - with really easy for the fish to see – hand line; most are returned to stream, but hey, we have to keep a few for dinner, so don’t tell.
I had the chili. That chef is still mad at me.

Let me tell you about a strange food unique to Bozeman. This stuff is called “hummus” and in Montana is apparently found only in Bozeman. So as to not bad mouth or embarrass anyone or any place here, I will not mention the name of a big town in Montana where it is not known. The city is east of Bozeman and Livingston on the Interstate and starts with the letter “B.” Oh yea, it is also in Yellowstone County, but I do not want to give any more information or you will guess the name. Stop pestering me; the first letters are Bi. Then “l”, yes, Bil. Not giving any more clues.

Anyways, while in Bil, for a visit, we got on the topic of food. I said that people over in Bozeman were wild about this stuff called hummus. They said, “Say what?”
“Yes,” said I, “it is made with chickpeas.” Embarrassed silence. They had heard of chickpeas but thought they were vegetables eaten by teenage girls in India.

Recently, I had some family over to our home for dinner. The pre-dinner requests/prohibitions included:  local, gluten-free, soy-free, no dairy, vegan, certified organic, no rb ST dairy, kosher – but make sure the food is delicious and “fun.”

We had “almond tofu” with all natural hummus, no additives. I had a bologna and cheese sandwich on whole wheat when they left. Don’t tell anyone or I will be in serious trouble.

What do I love about Bozeman? Well, the start of new “family traditions.”